Cold, Blustery November Day

I am sitting here in my fluffy, pink robe, and warm, fuzzy socks, while listening to the cold, blustery wind that has ushered in November. The winter and cold weather causes me to go even more inward in my thoughts than usual. November also means the holidays are coming; the end of another year approaching.

In September, I challenged myself to blog every day. Most days it came quite easily. For October, I copied a silly monster joke every day to my FaceBook status. November, I will post a quote about being thankful. I have much to be thankful for.

Sometimes, because I do have so very, very much to be thankful for yet I feel empty and drained most of the time, I feel guilty. I battle depression and it becomes worse in the cold months. I actually understand why some people drink or do drugs to alleviate this sense of lifelessness; to fill the void.

I’ve had people tell me I should get right with God and I would feel better. Don’t claim it; give it back. You shouldn’t feel that way because you have so many blessings. Focus on the good.

I know this. That is what makes it awful. I could fill pages and pages with all that I have in my life to be thankful for. I am thankful. I am grateful. I am humbled by how blessed I truly am. 

It’s not every day that I feel down. Some days the battle isn’t so bad. Some days, the feelings of inadequacy, being trapped, the sense of drowning, is negligible. Some days, it is overwhelming.

So, for November, I will post daily a quote about being thankful. Because, even though the battle rages inside, the thankfulness is always there and I will remind myself daily to focus on that.

September 8; Day Eight

Short blog tonight. I’m tired and it’s my bedtime.

I moved into my new office today. I was going to wait, but there was no reason. I guess moving into that office made it all real.

I was hired February 1, 2011. I was still in school for my Associate’s degree. I was a part time assistant sitting at a desk in the middle of the little break room. December 1, 2011, I was offered a full-time position; finishing the degree a couple of weeks later.

Sometime in the spring of 2013, we expanded the offices and I moved into an office which I shared with a colleague. On February 1, 2014, I was offered the position of Operations Manager. Today, I moved into my own office.

This has been a God thing from the beginning. I keep trying to figure out what it is I feel about this move. There are a lot of mixed emotions: fear, excitement, confidence, inadequacy. 

What describes it most: humbly thankful.

Good night.