New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions. A lot of people make them. I’ve not been one of those people. I seem to have trouble with long term commitments to self-improvement ideas. This would explain why I am still complaining about the same things I have been complaining about for a couple of years now.

So, time to quit whining and do something. There are many areas in my life that I am rather stuck and cannot see a way out. However, there are some areas that I do have control over and can improve and maybe by improving those areas, the others might just fall into place. 

There is, of course, the typical get-my-butt-in-shape resolution. Which, by the way, I was trying on pants the other day and that resolution took on a literal meaning. Things are a little flat back there. I put away the Christmas tree today, and my daughter will pull my treadmill back in tomorrow. Monday morning I’m back on it. That should help lift more than just my mood.

I have also wanted to learn a new language. I’ve dabbled in Spanish and French off and on for a few years. Through my work, I have that fancy language program for French. When I get off the treadmill each morning, I will do a lesson of French. This will cut into my Facebook time, but that is probably a good thing.

My favorite things to work on this year are photography and drawing. I used to draw a lot when I was younger. I lost that somewhere along the way of becoming a stressed out adult. My youngest daughter, who is an artist, is putting together a curriculum to get me back to drawing. 

I love to take pictures. I was without a camera for many years. A year and a half ago, my oldest daughter bought me a little camera for Mother’s Day. It is a point-and-shoot but with manual capabilities. My goal this year is to learn all I can about this camera and photography. I am pinning tutorials to a board in my Pinterest. The idea is to learn one skill each weekend and work on that all week. If I stay consistent, that will be 52 new things I will learn by this time next year.

Hopefully, by adding these fun things into my life, I’ll whine less and maybe rediscover me.

Cold, Blustery November Day

I am sitting here in my fluffy, pink robe, and warm, fuzzy socks, while listening to the cold, blustery wind that has ushered in November. The winter and cold weather causes me to go even more inward in my thoughts than usual. November also means the holidays are coming; the end of another year approaching.

In September, I challenged myself to blog every day. Most days it came quite easily. For October, I copied a silly monster joke every day to my FaceBook status. November, I will post a quote about being thankful. I have much to be thankful for.

Sometimes, because I do have so very, very much to be thankful for yet I feel empty and drained most of the time, I feel guilty. I battle depression and it becomes worse in the cold months. I actually understand why some people drink or do drugs to alleviate this sense of lifelessness; to fill the void.

I’ve had people tell me I should get right with God and I would feel better. Don’t claim it; give it back. You shouldn’t feel that way because you have so many blessings. Focus on the good.

I know this. That is what makes it awful. I could fill pages and pages with all that I have in my life to be thankful for. I am thankful. I am grateful. I am humbled by how blessed I truly am. 

It’s not every day that I feel down. Some days the battle isn’t so bad. Some days, the feelings of inadequacy, being trapped, the sense of drowning, is negligible. Some days, it is overwhelming.

So, for November, I will post daily a quote about being thankful. Because, even though the battle rages inside, the thankfulness is always there and I will remind myself daily to focus on that.

September 30; Day Thirty

The episode that we did watch

Of “How I Met Your  Mother”,

Was stories told all in rhyme

One following another.

As we watched the credits rolling

And started to converse,

We found the words did not sound right

Unless we spoke in verse.

So on this last of thirty days

Of blogging every night

I choose to try to make my words

All rhyming nice and tight.

My 30 days are now complete,

It really has been fun.

Writing tales about my days,

The beach days in the sun.

                                                                         

Will I continue writing daily?

This I do not know.

For there are days my mind is blank,

The thoughts don’t seem to flow.

But writing seems to calm my thoughts,

And put things in perspective.

It is very therapeutic

To write my thoughts reflective.

I will continue to express myself

Through written words at times.

Although, I think, it would be best

If not too often in rhymes.

September 29; Day Twenty-Nine

Almost 30 days!

I went to have my annual eye exam today. New glasses coming. Actually, they will be old frames, but new lenses. I met a lady there, I think she said she was the Office Manager. I’m not exactly sure on that though. Anyway, her name was Happy.

Of course, I had to ask. At first I didn’t see her name tag, so I asked if she spelled it “Hapi” or “Happy”? She said, “Happy”. Happy told me that she is actually a twin and that her twin’s name is Tree. She and Tree were born in the fifties out in California. No surprise there.

She said her parents considered themselves Beatniks and had already picked out the name Tree. She was a surprise and came out crying and screaming. Her grandfather said they should call her Happy because she would need all the help she could get. The name stuck. It’s not a nickname, either.

I told her about my sister Penny. Penny’s name is actually Vanessa Kay, but my mom and dad didn’t have a penny to their name, so…..

I love both those stories.

September 28; Day Twenty-Eight

Sunday night. Today has gone by very quickly.

Liz and I had a lengthy discussion this morning about right-side brain and left-side brain dominance. It was a very interesting and enlightening conversation. We have decided that I am right-sided and have continually forced myself into left-sided jobs.

I would like to investigate this further before elaborating, but what I have found so far makes a lot of sense to me. It explains so much. I will probably write about what I learn in the near future.

But, for tonight, I want to go read for a little bit. Jessica bought me a book from the thrift store she works in. I started it while on vacation and read bits and pieces here and there this last week. Let’s see how much I can read before I fall asleep tonight. I’m going up earlier than usual hoping to be able to enjoy reading more.

I’m so sleepy right now, though. I am hoping for more than a couple of paragraphs!